What To Do When Your President Is A Nazi/White Supremacist Sympathizer?

by Coleman Patrick Ranahan

(Photo by Chip Somodevilla – Getty)

Ok, so your President was just revealed as a Nazi sympathizer. A wide range of emotions are going to come out. Mostly rage I imagine, but there may even be some tears and bargaining.

But the question now becomes – What do you do?

I’ve come up with a handy dandy list.

  1. Scream.
  2. Scream louder.
  3. Scream at a small bush.
  4. Apologize to the small bush.
  5. Watch Schindler’s List.
  6. Apologize to Schindler’s List, profusely… like to the whole blu-ray case.
  7. Call your Congressman/Congresswoman (don’t forget the part about the President being a Nazi sympathizer, don’t just chat about pie or something, though pie is delicious).
  8. Rage, rage some more.
  9. Figure out that you should probably censure the President.
  10. Censure the President (then have pie).

Think you’re done? Nah. You’ve still got some work to do. BECAUSE THE GOD DAMN PRESIDENT THINKS THERE ARE VERY NICE PEOPLE IN THE WHITE SUPRE— Sorry I think I just had a small stroke.

One thing you can do to ensure this happens again in the future is to tell future progeny and small yelling machines (I think those are called children) that Nazis and White Supremacists are evil and generally just bad people. Educate them. If you think they’re old enough, show them the horrors of World War II. Don’t hold back images of what happened. They deserve to know. They deserve to not be dragged into the rise of something like that ever again. They deserve to be small yelling machines and not have to worry about whether or not Jeff next door lit a torch, parted his hair like a douchebag (spoiler alert – total douchebag) and went out marching cause he think his shit haircut makes him a better man. Jeff is not a better man. Jeff is an asshole. Fuck you, Jeff.

Few Presidents in the history of the United States have actually faced censure. Congress has tried before, Bill Clinton came close (phrasing). Abraham Lincoln (the party our current President claims to hold) almost ran afoul of it. One notable President to actually be censured? Andrew Jackson. Andrew Jackson was also a documented dickhole.

There are few and far things in between to send a strong message to the President of the United States about. I generally tend to think condemnations are a waste of time and money unless you get someone to resign from office, but since the President of the United States seems so hellbent on getting something through Congress why not sign (or sigh), seal, and deliver the biggest ‘fuck you’ in American politics besides asking him to resign? You may not agree with everything, but there is one notable exception, Nazis and White Supremacists. No matter how far you turn, no matter how much you look away, they’re lurking in the shadows like evil cartoon characters, sharpening their knives and waiting for the day someone is elevated that will let them run amuck. This is that time.

It only takes about five minutes of watching a National Geographic Special or a History Channel hour (back when they did history, I have no idea what they do now – Auction off cats?) to know that Nazis and White Supremacists are bad. Ed Norton made a movie about being a Nazi turned not Nazi.

Don’t be bad. Don’t be a Nazi. Don’t sympathize with Nazis and go, “Well Jeff seems alright.” Jeff is not alright. Jeff is a deranged lunatic who will come to your house with a dusty tiki torch that he stole from your stepdad’s basement that he claims to have fueled with “liberal tears” and scream until he’s red in the face because he think’s he is genetically superior. Jeff can crawl back to his hole from whence he came, remove that awful white polo, take a hint from history and make the world a better place. Fuck Nazis, send the President a neat little letter with the word “censure” on it, and have some pie.

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